i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
