She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
