I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
