She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize