he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
