I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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