I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
