Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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