I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
