i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
