she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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