I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
