I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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