i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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