Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's the barista slut.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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