fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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