Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is wine microwaveable?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
