my vag is so smooth its legendary
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
