I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
