I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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