I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need water and some morals
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
