It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
