and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
