As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
