i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
