May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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