Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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