The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
