Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
