I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
