Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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