he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
