the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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