This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
