Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize