Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
