I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
