the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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