OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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