in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
