her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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