he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
