meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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