see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
