I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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