When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
