Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
