**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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