You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
