i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
