Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
