She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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