I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
