I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
