She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
