see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
