so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
