I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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