can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
