So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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