btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
