I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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