I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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