Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
