So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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