i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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