new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
